We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
