"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
