my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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