I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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