Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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