Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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