2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
