I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
