i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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