I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
