I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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