You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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