I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
