I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
