I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
