I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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