and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
