Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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