I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
