dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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