I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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