just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
