I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
