honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
