I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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