If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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