It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Me too!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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