you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
