lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
