We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
