we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Drunk is not a location!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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