Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
