Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
