So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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