I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Randomize
