Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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