Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
This house was built for laser tag.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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