I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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