Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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