that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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