i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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