the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I have post one night stand depression
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