you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
