I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
