You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
