drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize