i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
