well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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