I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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