I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
