sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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