I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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