Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
