You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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