remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
