If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
