so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
