i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
