i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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