Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
