You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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