i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just blew my weed a kiss
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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