4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
