we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize