Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
