Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
