I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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