Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He kissed a someone with a penis
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
