I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
