he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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