Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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