Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
