this beer tastes like vomit already
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
